Frederick's Motivational Poster
by Queen Lucetta
Summary: After hearing about Frederick's posters, Chrom makes it his mission to tear them all down. Warning: This might be a crack-fic.
1. The First Lot

A/N: Happy Birthday Kara! We're gonna look great as Robin and Tiki this Halloween! Have a great one! To everyone else who might read this, this is probably the dumbest thing I've ever written, and that's saying a lot considering my track record. So if you like incredibly stupid nonsense, read on! It takes place just before chapter 13, but it doesn't include any of the paralogue characters.

* * *

At the end of a long day, and just before the deciding battle with Plegia, Chrom was checking in with his army in preparation for the battle tomorrow. As of now Chrom was just cluing up the daily report from his trusted unit, and he was as impressed as always. "Frederick, do you never tire?"

"Of course not, milord. I am here to serve. Ah, and one final thing: I've taken measures to raise troop numbers and morale. I had an artisan create posters emblazoned with your noble image. It's milord in a bold pose-naked, save a scale in one hand and a sword in the other. And at your feet, I scrawled our new recruiting motto: "Chrom Wants You!" I had them pinned inside each and every tent. Surely the troops will be thrilled to rally behind their common leader, milord."

It took a few seconds for Chrom to register what his unit said. "...Wait. You did what?! In whose... You hung this pict... In EVERYONE'S tent?!"

"No need for thanks, milord. Merely doing my duty. And that concludes my report. Rest well, sire!" And with that, he was off.

"F-Frederick! Wait! We really need to... talk. ...Oh, gods. I've got to tear those posters down before anyone sees them!"

-Lissa's Tent-

The long hours were starting to take their toll on everyone, and that meant more work for Lissa. She had become fairly tired relieving everyone else of their weariness, and now she could finally take a break herself. She had retired to her tent for the night, but she kept her staff close just in case someone needed her help. When she entered her tent though, she noticed the poster right away.

She took it off and looked it over. For a second she was confused as to why such a thing was in her tent, but that soon gave way to uproarious laughter. It was pretty obvious that Frederick was involved with this somehow, and it was glorious. She laughed so hard that she levelled up, gaining 1HP for enduring the pain in her side, 1 magic because laughter is good for the brain, and 1 defense because of the workout her lungs and stomach muscles got.

Just then Chrom came through with a look of frantic terror and possibly blind rage. As soon as he spotted the poster, he tore it from Lissa's hands. As he began to shred it, the clerk couldn't help but make comments. "He really captured your good side."

Chrom looked at her with gritted teeth. "Never speak of this again!" And with that, he was off. Lissa looked down at the confetti on her floor. She'd have to clean that up later, but it was totally worth it.

-Sully's Tent-

She was ready to stretch out and relax after all the training she did that day. Poor Stahl was probably much worse off than her though, since he was her unfortunate training partner for most of the day. When she entered, she carelessly tossed her weapons to the side and laid out on the floor. The poster caught her eye as she was laying on her back, so she got up to get a better look. This was a very visually appealing poster to say the least, showing off Chrom's gorgeous musculature and battle hardened body. The caption really confused her though. "Chrom wants me? To do what?" She was already part of the army, and it didn't seem to imply romance (despite him being completely naked in the picture). She stared at it trying hard to figure out what it meant, and totally not because she thought Chrom was hot.

Chrom burst in then, to find Sully staring intensely at the poster. She turned to face him. "What do you want from me?" It wasn't said in a condescending tone, she really just wanted to know the purpose behind the poster.

The king flushed red. The last thing he wanted was to explain the whole ordeal, so he just said, "Frederick." She caught on right away. Giving him a sympathetic look, she tore up the poster and handed the pieces to him. He was grateful, but he didn't have time to properly thank her. So with the pieces collected, he took off.

Although the image had been destroyed, it would remain forever in her mind.

-Virion's Tent-

The prissy archer was ready to get his beauty rest when he noticed a filthy piece of paper in his otherwise noble tent. Offended by its presence, he went to remove it. Of course, the drawing made him stay his hand.

"Why, our noble king desires me? Has he been struck by my flawless beauty?" He mused aloud. "It's not like I blame him, but oh! What will that very plain tactician think when she hears of this? She certainly can't hope to compete with me."

About a minute of dramatic monologuing later, Chrom came busting in. Virion gave him an interested look. "Ah, your nobleness, could you not restrain your desire to gaze upon my beauty?"

Chrom felt himself shudder with revulsion. If he wasn't in such a hurry, he might have voiced such disdain, but there was not time for that. He ignored the foppish archer and snatched the poster from his hands. He didn't tear it up just yet, instead he ran off with it in one piece.

Virion flicked his hair. "Poor man, he can't handle his insecurities in the presence of my beauty."

-Stahl's Tent-

Poor Stahl had already taken a beating from Sully during training, so he was ready to take it easy and rest his sore muscles and damaged body. Upon seeing the poster, he groaned from exhaustion, and possibly hunger. "Well, if Chrom wants me, I guess I should see what he wants." The drawing of the king didn't have any effect on Stahl, and he didn't pay much attention to it. He took the drawing then, and headed out in search of his leader.

Luckily for the cavalier, his search didn't last long. He spotted Chrom running frantically toward him. Before Stahl could get a word in, Chrom charged him, nearly trampling him upon arrival. The king then snatched the offending paper and tore it to shreds. Without a word, he took off toward the next tent, leaving Stahl bewildered.

"So uh, did you get what you wanted?" He was way too tired to question what was going on though, so until he was given orders to act he'd just pretend things were normal. Actually, this was pretty normal for this camp, so he dragged himself back to his tent without another thought.

-Vaike's Tent-

"Ha! I pity those Plegians!" Ol' Teach said to himself as he stretched out. "Bring on their army! Let 'em come! They're no match for the Vaike!" He snickered, but his air of arrogance ceased in an instant when he saw the poster. Instantly his eyes shot down toward his rival's 'assets.' The Vaike was gripped by envy, because there was no way he could possibly this outmatched. Feeling defeated, he mumbled, "so that sword isn't compensating for something."

Poor ol' Teach was so disheartened that he was just about ready to hang up his axe for good, until a new thought entered his head. Of course! Chrom was taunting him, intentionally sparking him into a match! That tagline made much more sense now. How fitting it was that Chrom was drawn au natural while holding a sword. They could compare the size of their skill on the battlefield- or something. Surely that was his message! It was clearly issuing a challenge, man to man with just their steel to talk for them. Well, who was the Vaike to say no to that? Challenge accepted.

Since all of this reasoning was the most analysis Vaike had ever given to anything, some time had passed. Enough time had passed from his disheartening to his conclusion that Chrom had arrived, looking as fired up as he'd ever been. Vaike turned to face him, equally fired up but obviously not for the same reason.

"Chrom! Just the man I wanted to see!" He was still holding the poster, but he wasn't paying attention to it. "Let's take this outside, me and you! Right now!"

The challenge fell on deaf ears. As soon as he spotted the poster he moved in with all the swiftness he could muster and swiped it right out of ol' Teach's hands. Before Vaike could even react the poster was slashed into confetti and Chrom was off again.

Vaike stood, stunned for a second, but then he rationed that Chrom was just scared and changed his mind about sparring. "You scared Chrom? I don't blame you." Unfortunately for Chrom he wasn't getting off the hook that easily. First thing in the morning, Vaike would be there to finish what he started.

-Miriel's Tent-

The studious mage had gotten back to her tent a little later than usual today. She arrived to her dwelling irked due to Robin's reckless disregard for the proper placement of the camp reading material. Of course she noticed the poster since it was a foreign object that she had not placed there herself. She examined it carefully. "Hm, quite the curious message if I may say so." She analysed the parchment with utmost scrutiny. "If this anatomical sketch is to be believed, then I must conclude our Prince has unusually large genitals. Perhaps he is ailed by a congenital disease of sorts?" The tagline certainly wasn't helping matters in Miriel's mind. "Ah yes, he must want me to thoroughly examine him and offer a curative panacea. Very well! I will commence an investigation posthaste." Just as she was gathering up her books for her data collecting process, the man himself came busting in. At least it would save her the trouble of having to carry all of her supplies. "Ah, you've arrived with impeccable expediency. Please remove your garments so I may commence my examination."

Chrom's face blazed redder than Miriel's hair. He couldn't muster the courage to speak after such a request, so he simply snatched at the poster, but Miriel wouldn't let it go. "Please exhibit patience, I have received your message in its entirety." She reached for his pants then, causing Chrom to leap up and away, but he wasn't leaving without the poster. The mage was dead set on getting her data though, so they ended up dancing around the tent for a while. As soon as Miriel showed signs of fatigue, Chrom moved in for the kill. He impaled the offending paper on Falchion and tore it horizontally. It then fell into his hands and he ran out before she could catch him.

She adjusted her glasses in dismay. "What is it that causes everyone to be so bashful?" She sighed. "Perhaps this will be my area of speculation tomorrow." Normally she would have pursued this new area of interest, but she was too tired to do it now.

-Sumia's Tent-

Taking care of the animals used in the army was something Sumia could do in her sleep. She entered her tent after tending to the army's mounts, feeling proud that she didn't trip on the way back from the stables. That all changed with she saw the poster. She literally fell head over heels in her attempt to get to it. After a long struggle that somehow didn't result in broken bones, she managed to get a closer look.

"Oh gracious! I mean, oh my!" She blushed a little, unsure of what to make of this development.

Just then, the commander himself made an appearance. Sumia couldn't look directly at him, but she did try talking to make the situation a little less awkward. "Hello Chrom, I uh, didn't know you felt this way. But um, isn't your way of expressing your feelings a little, well, obscene?"

Poor Chrom offered an apologetic look. "Sumia, there's been a misunderstanding. You see, this was Frederick's idea. He uh, didn't consult with me before sticking these up."

She appeared to be a little disappointed. "So, does this mean you don't want me?"

Oh no, trapped. "No! I mean- you're a valuable member of the Sheppards, and I hope you'll continue fighting with us. It's just that- the poster needs to be destroyed."

"I understand." She said. "Here."

"Thank you." He said, though he was slightly out of breath from running around. Still, he was a man on a mission, so he couldn't rest for long.

-Maribelle's Tent-

The troubadour had just returned with a stylish and elegant mug of tea in hand, but unfortunately seeing such an indecent image of Chrom stuck to the inside of her tent startled her so much that she spilled her tea all over herself. That didn't help the rage that was building inside her.

Out of everyone, Maribelle was the most offended to see such a thing in her living space. In her eyes it was the lowliest of filth and she couldn't believe that her noble commander and the brother of her best friend would resort to such barbaric tactics. She would have made a special trip just to confront him herself, but luckily he came to her. Clearly she was not happy.

"What is the meaning of this?!" The troubadour said with as much indignation as Chrom had ever heard.

"It was Frederick, I swear!" He retorted before she could unload any more of her wrath upon him.

"Remove this filth from my sight at once!" She demanded, tossing the crumpled remains of the poster to her commander.

"Gladly." Chrom said, then abruptly ran for the next tent faster than usual to escape Maribelle.

"Honestly, it's like I'm running with a pack of barbarians!"

-Ricken's Tent-

Modern man Ricken had just gotten back from a rousing session of cooking. The book he had received from Robin had turned out to be most helpful in his learning of which flavours taste good together. He had planned on reading up on some other things that sparked his interest, until he noticed the poster. The fact that Chrom wanted him confused him greatly, but his mind got taken away from that quickly when he noticed the commander's 'equipment.'

"Oh wow, they can get that big?" Suddenly he didn't feel so bad about his height, but rather how other parts of him weren't measuring up. That was another complex that he certainly didn't need.

As Chrom came bursting in though, he jolted up in surprise. "Oh, uh, hi." He stammered.

Luckily the tiny mage didn't seem hell bent on keeping the poster, as Chrom was able to dash in and steal it without much resistance. Before he left for the next tent though, he turned briefly and said, "don't believe it! That's not what I look like!" And then abruptly made a run for it.

Ricken could only sigh, possibly from exasperation and a little relief. At least he wouldn't have to worry about how he measured up- perhaps.

-Gaius's Tent-

The thief had probably gotten off easiest out of everyone at the camp that day, so he had energy to spare. That wasn't going to stop him from enjoying his down time though. So when he entered his tent, he noticed the poster right away and almost didn't care about it. After a second look though, his interest was quite piqued. He took the poster down and gave a thorough look over.

Honestly he couldn't tell if this was a prank or something meant to be taken seriously. Either way, he grinned to himself and stuffed it into one of his pockets. Perhaps it could come in handy.

Not long after, Blue Blood himself busted in, out of breath and just as distressed as ever. Gaius had made the right choice in holding that paper hostage.

"Wassup Blue?" The thief said with a snide grin. "What brings you here?"

"Gaius." Chrom said through gritted teeth. "I know you have something... depicting me..." He was too embarrassed to explain further.

"What, me? Can't say I remember anything like that." He said, his smirk widening. "But maybe you could refresh my memory."

Chrom growled. "Fine! How about- those sticky candies Lissa likes?"

"Oh? Nope, still drawing a blank. Go on."

"Err, and a helping of our finest frosted honey cakes?"

"I'm still listening."

Chrom growled. "And what about a box of our finest Ylissian chocolate?"

Gaius's jaw dropped and the lollipop he was sucking on almost fell out. "Deal!" He said with a jubilant smile. Then he reached into his thief-esque robes and pulled out the paper. It was in pretty bad condition and crumpled to a near unrecognisable mess. Chrom didn't care though, it would save him the effort. Like the others, he snatched it up and ran toward the next tent.

This time though, Gaius followed him outside. "You'd better make good on your promise Blue! Who knows what will go missing if I'm not paid!" It was a largely empty threat, but he really wanted his sweets. Hopefully Chrom would honour their deal without the threat.

-Panne's Tent-

While she was the only Taguel in the camp, and possibly the world, she was starting to feel a little more accepted and comfortable among her human companions. Though, when she noticed the poster, she did become confused and a little agitated. This would probably make more sense if she were human. She wouldn't have to wonder about it too long though, as the very determined, yet now substantially exhausted Chrom made an appearance in her tent.

"Your kind has such strange rituals." She said, sizing up the poster. "Is this what you look like without your clothes?" She may not have been an expert of human anatomy, but it resembled Taguel anatomy so much that she could reasonably draw such conclusions. The confusing part was why he would post a picture like that in her tent. He wasn't implying that he wanted to mate with her did it?

Though, her question caused him to flush and feel queasy. Really, he couldn't take much more of this embarrassment, he might just have a heart attack. "This isn't a ritual, it's just a misunderstanding. Please, give that paper to me, and I'll leave." He intentionally ignored the question about his natural state. He figured that would be pretty self-explanatory answer in any other situation.

She hesitated, but decided to give in. This whole situation was confusing to her, but she just assumed this was some bizarre human thing. So without any resistance, she handed it over. Chrom didn't waste any time seizing the poster and running full speed to his next destination.

-Lon'qu's Tent-

The swordsman entered his tent after a particularly trying day of working alongside Sully and Miriel. He hadn't expected to see a picture of naked Chrom stuck on the inside of his tent, and really he didn't know what to make of it. Not to mention the bizarre tagline, was Chrom coming onto him?

"Just because I can't stand women doesn't mean I'm-" He didn't finish that thought. Apparently he had sent out the wrong message to his fellow Sheppards. Though, he could totally understand how they'd get that idea. Perhaps he'd have to set the record straight later on.

By the time Chrom arrived, the myrmidon was already asleep. At this, Chrom couldn't help but sigh in relief, looking around for the poster. It wasn't in plain sight, so he'd have to go looking for it. Though, it wasn't easy since it was dark and any false move could wake Lon'qu. He couldn't handle more embarrassment so he'd much prefer if he could get the poster without any more confrontation.

No such luck, the ever diligent Lon'qu was up at light speed with a sword pointed right at Chrom's neck. Though, it didn't take him long to realise who the intruder was. "My apologies." He said, then instantly remembered the poster. "Wait a second, just because I can't stand women doesn't mean I'm-" He couldn't finish that though, just like earlier. Chrom felt the awkwardness of the situation and wanted out as quickly as he could.

"I didn't put that- thing in your tent. It was Frederick." Chrom said, not looking at him. "I'm sorry. Where's the poster?"

Lon'qu bit his lip. He may have been agitated but he'd gladly surrender that paper. "Under that bag." He gestured. Chrom saw it then, and swooped down to steal it. With that he made a run for it.

No doubt breakfast would be a little awkward for them tomorrow.

-Cordelia's Tent-

Once her inspection of the surrounding camp area was completed, she was ready to retire for the night and read her latest trashy romance novel. Her plans were halted in an instant when she saw the poster.

Her heart fluttered. This may have been the happiest day of her life. She glanced over to her stack of romance and self-help books with adoration, as clearly they had served their purpose. She couldn't wait, she had to go see him now, and let him know that she accepted his feelings.

When she found him running around the camp she made a b-line straight for him. "Chrom!" She said, grinning like a school girl. "Chrom!"

He turned to face her, only to be pulled into a tight embrace. In one hand was the poster, which Chrom only seen for a brief moment. A chill ran down his spine as he speculated on what she might be thinking. "Cordelia-"

"I want you too." She said, almost teary eyed. "I've wanted you for so long. I love you."

"Cordelia- listen." He said, now feeling incredibly guilty about what he'd have to say. "Whatever you think about the meaning of that poster- it's a mistake. Frederick- he put those posters up in everyone's tent." Though after her confession, he felt terrible for having to break the news to her.

She paused, then slowly let him go. They were face to face now, and the crushing sadness in her eyes was evident. "So, even though it says that you want me-"

"It said that on every poster. I'm sorry."

"Oh." She said. "Well, I'm sorry for telling you all of this." At that, she tossed the poster aside and ran back to her tent, sobbing loudly. As bad as Chrom felt for causing her such emotional distress, he was still on his mission.

-Nowi and Gregor's Tent-

"What is this?" The sellsword wondered aloud as he observed the picture. "Chrom is wanting us? He has already done with the hiring. Why no clothes?" He seemed rather baffled by the thing. Nowi said nothing, just observed.

Soon after, Chrom arrived looking frazzled and exhausted enough to collapse at any second. Gregor addressed him before he could get a word in. "What is meaning of drawing of naked you?"

"I swear this was Frederick's idea! Why would I want- a picture like that in your tent?"

"Gregor is still not convinced. Gregor think Prince is taunting and belittling Gregor."

"Well, I like it." Nowi chimed in. "Whoever drew this really captured his likeness."

"What?!" Chrom said, caught off guard and indignant.

"Yeah! I want to keep it forever!" The young looking dragon girl said.

"Gregor not like that."

Chrom cleared his throat. "See? You're making your husband uncomfortable. So just hand it over and we'll all be done of this."

"Hmm, well, if he really wants me to get rid of it that bad, could I at least blow it up with my dragon breath?"

Her request seemed a little excessive to him, but it was acceptable. "Alright."

"Yay! Let's go outside!" As she said this, she grabbed both her husband and Chrom by the hand and dragged then out. Then she enthusiastically shoved the drawing into the royal's hands and took a few steps back. It was pretty obvious what was coming next, but Chrom still wasn't fully prepared for it. At the last second he held out the paper and Nowi blasted it with everything she had.

There really wasn't anything left of the paper, so, mission accomplished as far as Chrom was concerned. Without another word, he ran to the next destination.

-Libra's Tent-

Being a war monk, Libra had the job of holding his own on the battlefield and making sure everyone else remained in good condition. Naturally he was always spent after a long day of fighting and healing, and praying whenever he had a spare minute. Though, there was no time for prayer now, since there was quite the strange message for him in his tent.

Being a man of the cloth, he couldn't really approve of his prince putting up such explicit content. It certainly wouldn't be good for the impressionable minds in their camp, and it certainly wouldn't be good for the image of the army. Sure Chrom was a strong leader and a figure their troops could rally behind, but there's no reason to show off- that much of him. Surely there must be a deeper reason for such tomfoolery?

Just then Chrom arrived, but before Libra could get a word in, the distressed prince grabbed the poster right off the tent. He turned to the war monk with an apologetic look. "Sorry about this, Frederick-" He didn't need to finish that sentence, even if Libra wasn't that close with Frederick.

"Oh, are you feeling well Milord?"

He gritted his teeth. "I've- been better."

"Unfortunate. I will pray that as few people as possible see this."

"Thank you." He said, giving Libra a respectful nod before high tailing it out toward the next tent.

-Tharja's Tent-

Somehow Tharja had managed to secure a whole slew of magical items needed for her hexes. She was just about ready to start cursing everyone who had crossed her that day, which was pretty much everyone in the camp. She was only slightly distracted by the poster, but it also made her disheartened.

"Hmm, I can see why Robin likes him so much." Tharja mused aloud. If he really was as well endowed, then something had to be done. Then Robin would leave him, probably.

Just then Chrom came sidling up, acting more cautious in his approach. She peeked out of her tent to greet him. For some reason she was very interested in his hair. The sight of her looking so calculating startled him, but he stood his ground. "Uh, hello." He said simply. "I uh, I mean, was there a drawing or something in your tent tonight?" For some reason the tension was increasing. He could feel the ill will she had for him, but he wasn't sure why.

"Oh, you mean this?" She produced the poster.

"Yeah, could I perhaps, have that back?"

She stared straight into his soul with piercing determination, it made him feel cold. "I'll give this to you if you give me a hair of yours."

Normally that would be a fair trade, but something told him this wasn't a good idea. "Why do you want that?"

"Hehehe."

That didn't sound good. "I'll uh, give it to you if you tell me why you need it."

She stared him down again. "Let's just say I have a particular gripe with the size of one of your body parts. All I want to do is make it- proportionate to your body." She cackled some more at the thought of it.

"Gods no!" He said. Even though it was probably unwise to go against Tharja, he had no choice if he wanted the poster. So, in the boldest move he'd ever made, he stabbed Falchion and hooked the paper, then wrested the bottom half of the poster from her hand. The motion was swift, but she still tried to react by grabbing one of his hairs while he did that. Luckily she didn't manage to grab one, but the danger was real. At that he ran as fast as he could to get away from the now very angry dark mage.

-Robin and Chrom's Tent-

At long last the tactician returned to the tent she shared with her future husband. The strategies she came up with were some of her best, in her opinion, and she couldn't wait to discuss them with her lover. Instead of finding him though, she instead found the poster. She held it in her hands and laughed to herself, noting that a particular part of her lover's anatomy had been seriously embellished. She'd seen him naked before, and he certainly wasn't that well-endowed.

She was snapped out of her musings when her husband entered. He was a total mess, his hair was disheveled, he was gasping for breath, his face was burning red. Robin thought it was adorable, and she suspected the exaggerated drawing had something to do with his current state. "This is an odd way of getting me in the mood." She said with a snicker, holding out the poster.

Instinctively he grabbed it from her and crumpled it, now too tired to bother shredding it like the others. Through pants he managed to mumble, "Frederick."

Understandable. "What was his reasoning behind this?"

"Raising morale or something." He said, finally catching his breath.

"That sounds just like him. Hey, put what's left of those posters in a pile."

"Why?"

"You'll see." She said with a grin. Chrom did as he was instructed, trusting that his wife-to-be wouldn't betray him. With her fire tome open, she casted a small flame upon the posters, and in seconds the remaining shreds of the posters were charred to ashes.

"Thank you." They sat down together then, and Robin sidled up to him near the burnt remains of paper.

"You know, if you want make yourself like that picture, I'll gladly massage your shoulders." He'd had a hard day, it was the least she could do for him.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah." She snickered, "But I suppose you'll have to work on one specific area, if you want to be more like the poster."

He blushed, he really couldn't take any more abuse or snide comments about his manhood. "Please."

"Okay, okay. I suppose you've already suffered enough for one day." She touched his shoulder in support, and he sighed and began taking his clothes off. Once he was bare chested, he laid out face down and allowed for his fiancée to work out the knots. "Hey, when you're all done here, are you going to confront Frederick?"

"Tomorrow." He said. "Just before we go to battle. He's overdue for a stern talking to."

She only smiled. This would be interesting to say the least.

* * *

A/N: I totally didn't leave anyone out. Have a nice day!


	2. Round 2

A/N: I didn't plan on writing the rest of the characters, but since I've gotten a request, I'll do the rest of the main cast, and maybe the street pass characters too. So this takes place after chapter 13, I'm not sure when, but everyone has joined now. This picks up just after Tharja's part, assuming that Chrom kept going. Children will be up tomorrow, enjoy your silliness everyone!

* * *

 **-Donnel's Tent-**

The farmer had just returned with a fair amount of fish that he managed to trap. He was going to grill up a few and salt the rest, and during this process he noticed the poster in his tent. "Well, ain't that sumtin? I guess that's what happens ta city folk, all larger 'n life dem city folk." Aside from that, he wasn't too disheartened. He just thought that this was an accurate representation of what important fancy people looked like in the buff. If someone so powerful wanted Donnel, presumably to become stronger, then that's what he'd do! Right after he set some traps.

Right on cue, mister fancy and well endowed made and appearance. By now Donny had forgotten all about the poster and was setting some traps just outside his tent. "Howdy your royal-ness. What can I do you for?" The farmer asked.

"Have you seen a- picture of me in your tent?" Chrom said through breaths.

"Huh? Oh yeah, that's a mighty impressive package you have." He said, though he meant it as a compliment.

Though, the harmless comment caused Chrom to choke a little. His face flushed red, but he wasn't going to correct the size confusion. "Where is it now?"

"Wha, that lil' ol' thing? Left it in m' tent last time I checked."

Chrom growled, "could you get it for me?"

"I don't see why not." Donny said with a shrug. So he scuttled into his tent and produced the picture, only to have it snatched from his hands. Chrom said nothing as he took off for the next destination.

Donnel could only shrug. "Eh, I don't get them fancy royal types."

 **-Anna's Tent-**

Luckily for Anna, they just happened to pass by a heavily populated area, and she was able to make a killing with her markups. When she returned to her tent though, she realised that the cash would keep flowing. "Now this is interesting! Are they giving me this little trinket for free?" She giggled, mainly because she thought she could sell this to a fan of the king, or perhaps a shady pervert. Though, a buyer appeared shortly after, looking distressed.

Chrom eyed the paper with determination. "Anna, please, let me have that, please-" Instantly he knew he'd be paying top dollar for that, and if he didn't he'd be paying for it for the rest of his life.

This was perfect, as Anna never was one to pass up such a financial opportunity. "What's it worth to you?" She said with sneaky grin.

"Er, We're at war here. I don't have disposable income!"

"Well, if it means that little to you, I could always have this copied and distributed. Now that I think about it, there should be a high demand for such an interesting piece."

Chrom growled audibly. She had him by the balls and he knew it, so he had no other choice but to give in to her demands, "all right, name your price."

"That's just what I wanted to hear." She said with a grin, then leaned close and whispered the figure to him. The number was completely absurd, impossible, how did she expect him to come up with that amount? "Before you say no, I could always offer you a payment plan. But let me just say, the interest can really pile up if you don't make your payments!" She was way too happy with the situation, was she a sociopath?

"Alright fine, but you have to give that to me right now!"

"Fair enough. But just remember to keep those payments coming!" Mercifully she let go of the offending paper, and Chrom grabbed it and bolted.

 **-Olivia's Tent-**

She made her way back to her tent, keeping herself guarded and looking around for unauthorised glances. No one was particularly looking her way, but in her mind they were all staring her down. She picked up the pace and made it to her tent.

The image caught her attention upon her entry. She couldn't see it all that well at first, until she approached for a closer look. What was this?! Some kind of cruel way of getting her over her shyness? Well, if that was his intention, it failed miserably! If anything she'd never be able to show her face in public again if there was even the slightest chance that someone found out she had this!

If Chrom had shown up a minute later, she would have destroyed the thing herself, but since he had already arrived she was caught holding the poster. Her heart could have stopped as she felt even more embarrassment than Chrom, and threw the offending paper his way. "D-don't look at me!" She called, covered her face with two closed fists. The fact that the very man in the naughty picture had caught her in the act of looking directly at it made her so flustered that she may never be able to live it down.

"Sorry, it was Frederick, I swear!"

"Go away!" She demanded, as all the blood was rushing to her head and she couldn't deal with someone seeing her like this.

Chrom understood her pain, and abruptly made a run for it.

 **-Cherche's Tent-**

It was unfortunate that Minerva couldn't fit in the tent with her, as she would surely let her trusted companion sleep near her if she could. That was okay though, as the beast seemed happy with the other mounts. Upon entry though, she noticed the poster. It made her giggle. "Oh my, what a delightful sight! Who knew Chrom was packing such an adorable, well-" It would probably be improper for to finish that thought. Unlike most, the unrealistic size portrayed in the poster did not intimidate her. Instead, she considered it cute, and not unreasonably huge. "Still, I find it rather improper of him to place such a thing in the tent of a lady. I should have Minerva teach him a lesson on manners." Though, she was a little confused about the tagline. Was he trying to cheat on his wife? If that was the case, then she'd be certain to set him straight.

Not long after, Chrom made his appearance looking frazzled. Luckily for him, Minerva was nowhere to be seen.

"Why Chrom, if I didn't know better, I would assume you were a despicable man." She said with a smile and presenting the drawing to him. "I sure hope Robin is okay with your desires."

This was shaping up to be one rough night. "I'm sorry, it's Frederick's idea-"

"You're not even man enough to admit to your mistake?" She appeared to be agitated, but kept her smile nonetheless.

"I swear! Why would I put something like this where everyone can see it?!"

"Oh my, you say this is placed where everyone can see it? In my tent?"

He groaned. How was he going to explain this without dying from embarrassment? "It's in everyone's tent. Frederick-" He bit his tongue, could this get any worse?

"Well, if what you say is true, then you have my condolences."

"Thank you, may I have that drawing back?"

"I suppose so." She said, willingly handing it over. "But if I should learn that you lied to me, you'll get to see the inside of my dear Minerva." The smile never left her face. It was kind of unnerving. Since the coast was clear though, he ran. He ran just as fast as he would if he were being chased by a wyvern.

 **-Henry's Tent-**

As soon as the quirky dark mage noticed the poster, he snickered and took it down. This would be a new toy to play with, and he abruptly began doodling on the already exaggerated picture. At some point a crow joined him in his childlike merriment.

Not long after, Chrom charged his way into the tent. Henry greeted him with a wide smile and held up the poster, now marked with Henry's artistic doodles. Somehow his modifications had made the picture worse and more embarrassing, as the drawing now sported a ribbon around the manhood, and a comical moustache had been added to his face and belly button it seemed. There were also numerous crows drawn all over the poster, one of the appeared to be pecking Chrom's eyes out. "You like it? I thought it looked a little boring, so I made it better."

"Alright, you've had your fun, now give that back." Chrom said, obviously not in the mood to put up with Henry's unique humour.

"Aww, but I worked really hard on it." He snickered. "Do you only want it back because it doesn't suit your artistic taste?"

The prince sighed with annoyance. "Look, Frederick put these up without my permission, I'm just taking them back."

"Oh? Funny how the CROW-ned prince can't control his own soldiers!"

There it was, the horrible crow puns. "I don't have time for this!" He protested.

"Teehee, I guest this was a great CAWs for alarm?"

"Would you stop?!"

"Have you been BIRDened by this drawing?"

The prince growled. He had completely forgotten his embarrassment and embraced the anger that was boiling up inside him. "Stop it!"

"Hehehe, well, if it really bothers you that much-" He paused, as if planning his next intentionally annoying pun, "then you disappoint me, I thought you were unFLAPpable!"

"RRRAAAAAAAAHH!" Chrom roared in frustration. "Now I'm angry!"

"Hehe." Henry said, clearly getting a kick out of this.

Chrom was at his limit though, and he stabbed the poster through the middle, striking a critical hit. What was left of the poster was unrecognisable. For now it would have to do, as he couldn't take any more of Henry's insufferable crow puns.

 **-Say'ri's Tent-**

"Fie! What sort of message is this?" She grabbed it and looked it over. Apparently Chrom wanted her and he was sending her obscene drawings of himself to accomplish such a task. Had he no shame? How could someone of his status do such a thing?

"You there! What meaning is behind your gesture?" Her hand rested on her blade, just in case Chrom's intentions were not quite innocent.

"I didn't send that message! I'm sorry!"

"How then, did this message arrive in my dwelling?"

Chrom sighed in exhaustion at the thought of having to explain that again. "Frederick."

"Very well, I will forgive this. Be sure to properly train your units, lest my blade do it for you."

Frederick certainly would get some form of discipline, that was for sure. As soon as Chrom came up with a fitting punishment he'd be sure to let him know. "I'll take that off your hands now." Chrom demanded, getting unusually grabby.

Say'ri let it go willingly, and watched at the distressed prince took off. Really she didn't feel like this was the best use of time, and opted instead to rest for the battles ahead. "I must rest from this chaos 'til it be morrow."

 **-Tiki's Tent-**

The Voice entered her tent and felt instantly like falling asleep. The sight of the poster caught her attention, and she ended up looking at it for a long time. She certainly wasn't offended, no, instead she was quite intrigued. It had been a long time since someone had played a joke on her so blatantly, and she could definitely get behind the picture. She didn't remember certain parts of human anatomy being so- ample, maybe that was just how they were nowadays.

Not long after she gained an appreciation for the artisan behind the drawing, she fell asleep, and began dreaming. It started out as her regular dream- one involving Marth. This time though, naked Chrom from the poster made an appearance. Not that she was complaining, it was actually a welcome change, after having the same dream involving Marth for thousands of years, it wouldn't hurt to spice it up a little. And that's exactly what went down.

Chrom entered the tent only to find Tiki asleep with the poster in her hands. He approached with caution, as he didn't know what would happen if he tried to wake her. So he tiptoed over to her and gently enclosed his fingers around the paper. Tiki stirred. "Mmm- Chrom."

He froze. Did she wake? Was she mad at him? He stopped his breathing, waiting for a sign that she woke.

"Marth- mmm." She purred a little then. Chrom's face burned with embarrassment as he realised what she was dreaming about. And it involved him and his ancestor- could this get any worse? "Oh yeah- like that."

Considering the position he was in (right now, not in the dream), he couldn't just haul the poster out of her hands and run, that would be too risky. The last thing he wanted to do was wake her up, who knows how awkward that would be? So he took a step back and positioned his sword along the side of the poster. With the precision of a surgeon, he cut along the edges of the paper and freed it from her grasp. There were still fragments of the poster in her hands as he tiptoed out.

 **-Basilio and Flavia's Tent-**

Although they weren't a couple or related like other tent mates, they had to stay together for the time being. At least until they secured another tent. They were okay with it though, despite all of the bickering.

They both ceased their arguing when they noticed the poster. Their reactions were mixed.

"Wahaha! Kids today sure are full of themselves!" Basilio's said, amused.

Flavia was not so lighthearted, though she did get a kick out of how brash Chrom was by putting up a poster like that, unless this was a prank that Basilio was playing on her. "Is this your handiwork, oaf?" She asked, partially suspicious and partially humorous.

"What? What would I gain from this?"

"Hmm, I suppose it wouldn't do you any good to put a picture of a much younger, fitter, better endowed-"

"Hey!" he stopped her before she could finish that insult. Though, he sort of deserved it for walking right into that trap. "Let's get some ale-" He said, just as a way to change the subject.

Just then Chrom arrived, out of breath and about ready to collapse. Both Khans turned their attention to the distressed prince, their expressions unreadable.

"Ah here he is, the man of the hour." Basilio said with a half-empty mug of ale in his hand.

Flavia's attention was briefly drawn to Chrom's pants, as there was no way he really was that blessed in that area. It was only a half-second long glance but Chrom picked up on it right away. He instinctively turned to the side and held his sword in front, as if to block her view. She chuckled. "Awfully full of yourself, aren't you?" She said.

Chrom wanted to rip his hair out in frustration, so he just lunged forward and swiftly snatched it. Since he was done defending himself against everyone's taunting and indignation, he just took off afterward.

"Wonder what's eating him?" Basilio said. After all, he'd be pretty pleased with himself if he was so well equipped.

* * *

A/N: That's all of the parent's generation, yep, all of them. I totally didn't leave anyone out, have a nice day!


	3. Won't somebody think of the children?

A/N: I'm back with the kids' reactions! Woot! And to the very astute of you who picked up on Kellam, I can assure you that I didn't forget him, I intentionally left him out as part of the joke. But maybe he'll make an appearance at the end or something.

* * *

 **-Owain's Tent-**

Upon noticing the poster in his tent, Owain was instantly sent into full on theater mode. The weapon in his hand, and down lower, was surely a sign that Chrom was inviting Owain to join in his ranks! Surely there would be a legendary journey involved, a quest for the legendary sword! (both figuratively and literally).

"OH, what sort of summoning is this?! My uncle claims he wants me to join the ranks of legendary proportions?" Judging from the size of the 'weapon' Chrom was sporting, there could be no other meaning. "I must steel myself in order to achieve a legendary weapon worthy of my family name! Worry not uncle, I will bring honour upon our house with this very hand!" But what should he name his new legendary weapon? He should at least come up with a fitting name.

Before he could summon up his usual genius for naming, Chrom appeared. Owain was startled from his musings and went into full theater mode. "Lo! My noble uncle has shown himself at last! Shall we embark together on a legendary journey of manliness?!" He adopted a heroic stance, similar to the one in the picture, dead serious about what he said.

"WHAT?!" Chrom blushed. The last thing he wanted was false, exaggerated theatrics from his fanboy nephew. "Stop that! And hand over that poster!"

"With pleasure uncle! Your message has been received, and as a unit working under you, I too will rise to the ranks suitable of our noble-" Before he could finish his over dramatic monologue, Chrom had swiped the poster and was already off to his next destination. "Err, wait, are you saying I'm not worthy? Are you retracting your quest request?" Disheartened, Owain slumped back into his bedroll.

 **-Inigo's Tent-**

The not dancer had snuck back to his tent after a long dancing session he had just had in secret. Naturally his muscles were both tense from being on high alert, and limber from the workout he just finished. He was just about to make tea and go to sleep, alone, when he noticed the poster. Curiously he examined it, instantly his face burned. It was very unclear as to what Chrom wanted with him, but the size of that- oh, Inigo would never be able to measure up to that. Was this the reason women kept rejecting him? Because he was ill equipped? He curled up then, holding back sobs.

He couldn't cry for long though, as Chrom had appeared suddenly. Inigo stood and faced him with a fake smile. "Why hello! You're just in time for tea!" He said, his voice dripping with envy.

"No time for tea Inigo! I need that poster!"

"Oh, because it has served its purpose of making all of us who don't measure up feel inadequate?" The envy had become venomous, and it laced every single syllable.

Chrom flushed and his pulse pounded. "It's not an accurate drawing Inigo! And this was all the work of Frederick, I'm sorry if it- made you feel…"

At that, the not dancer hesitated. "So, this part right here-"

"Gods this is embarrassing!"

Inigo suddenly felt sympathy for the poor lord. "Alright, take it." He said, handing the paper over willingly. That was all Chrom needed, and he was out of there at light speed as to avoid having to give away any more details about his personal areas.

 **-Brady's Tent-**

Brady made his way back to his tent, exhausted from a long day of healing and secretly distributing nutritious food to orphans. He entered and only noticed the poster as he was getting into bed. He snarled a little at the image of a proper gentleman. He could never reach that level of sophistication, nor could he achieve the other proportions laid out for him. This was no doubt the work of his mother, in an attempt to get him to act more in line with the aristocracy. Well, he didn't need such an assault on his feelings right now, and abruptly started sobbing. Quietly of course.

Chrom came in and he instantly stifled his sobs, but the redness around his eyes couldn't be concealed so easily. "Whaddya want?" He barked at Chrom.

"I'm just here for the poster, I swear!"

"Yeah!? Is that all?!" He figured a long lecture about proper manners were in order, sent straight from his mother.

"That's all I want." Chrom said bluntly.

"Fine then! Take it!" The priest barked. "Now whaddaya gonna do?"

Chrom surprised him by bolting as soon as he got what he wanted. Brady sighed in relief, apparently his mother had taken a day off from trying to make him act more aristocratic.

 **-Kjelle's Tent-**

She had insisted on helping Lucina and Morgan with the cooking, but they insisted on just letting her help clean the dishes. That was fine, and she arrived back at her tent in great battle ready condition. Her initial inspection of her tent showed there were no enemies waiting for her, and only then did she notice the poster. "What's this?" Judging from the message, Chrom wanted her, but for what purpose? Sparring? Judging someone who had broken the law? What? It just didn't make sense. Not to mention the nudity was a complete overkill.

Once she noticed his presence, she stood at attention. "Reporting for duty! What would you have me do?"

"Err- hand over that paper-" He said through ragged breaths.

"At once sir! Now for what reason did you send this summons?"

He snatched it from and said simply, "Frederick." Before taking off again. Kjelle was left confused and agitated.

"Frederick? Should I take him down first to prove my worth?" Seemed about right, before she'd get the privilege of sparring with the great Chrom, she'd have to take out his right hand man. If that's what he wanted, then that's what he'd get! And so she was off to prove her strength to Chrom.

 **-Severa's Tent-**

Her face flushed as she read the tagline and observed the nude form of her leader. What did this crusty old man want with her? That old pervert! What did her mother see in this guy?! Well, besides the obvious-

Then a new thought entered her mind, this was the man that her mother had adored for her whole young life, and even possibly to this day. And now here he was declaring his love for Severa, the girl who could never measure up. Now she could finally claim she was better at something than her mother! Even if it was attracting the attention of a dirty old pervert with terrible taste in romantic gifts. Though, what face should she show him when he arrived, if he did? Something that could tell him off and rub it in Cordelia's face at the same time for sure.

Just then Chrom appeared and she wasn't fully prepared to deal with him. So she had to react fast, by slapping him across the face and standing with her arms folded, poster in hand. "Well, are you going to tell my mother about this affair?!"

"What affair?!" He blushed. Hopefully she hadn't taken the message too literally. "I didn't put that here, it was Frederick!"

"Acting on your behalf?" She said, looking like she was readying to smack him again.

"No, it's just a misunderstanding! It doesn't mean anything!"

That made her angry enough to try and smack him again, but he blocked her attack with his arm because he was ready for it. In her anger she crumpled the poster and threw it at him, but continued her assault.

That was okay, he grabbed the crumpled mess and bolted before she do any real damage.

Severa was left in an irritated mood. How was she going to one up her mother now?

 **-Gerome's Tent-**

The wyvern rider retreated to his tent to get away from the commotion going on in camp. It was just noise and he didn't care what was going on. When he seen the poster in his tent, he didn't pay any attention to it. Actually, he appeared to be completely indifferent to the poster and just left it alone. This timeline was of little interest to him, and whatever strange rituals they did in this time were of no consequence to him.

That didn't matter, because whether or not the recipient cared about the poster, it was of great importance to Chrom. So when he tried to bust into the tent as he'd been doing all night, he was met with an axe inches from his face. That caused him to jump back and go on the defensive.

"What are you doing here?" The young wyvern rider interrogated.

"Just here for the poster." Chrom said, now more worried about getting hacked to pieces.

"That thing?" He briefly glanced at the poster. "Why did you put it in here if you were just going to take it down?" Perhaps this was an image meant for someone else, and it just happened to end up here instead. Suddenly he felt a slight hint of sympathy for the man, but he'd never admit to it.

"Frederick-" Chrom explained.

"Next time you should give him better instructions." Gerome said, complacently handing over the poster. Chrom didn't have time to argue with him or set the record straight, and just took off.

 **-Yarne's Tent-**

The cowardly bunny was one of the first to make it back to his living area. The further he was from the battlefield, the better as far as he was concerned. So he didn't notice or care about the poster until he happened to see it up close when reaching for his stash of carrots. He took it down curiously, looking it over.

This probably wasn't helpful to the bunny boy's self-esteem. How was he supposed to repopulate his species when he had such stiff competition from human males? Perhaps he'd have to try harder to attract a mate, especially if this was what he was up against. But that would also pose a problem as he couldn't help but be cautious in the presence of danger. How could he not, when he was the last of his species?

The bunny was startled out of his musings by a charging Chrom breaking into his tent. He ended up cowering in the corner while the king stormed his tent in search of the poster. It just happened to be under the mountain of vulneraries and elixirs that he kept around just in case of an attack. Surprisingly there weren't many beast stones around, which really didn't make much sense.

His interaction was mercifully short, as Yarne didn't put up any resistance to Chrom's intrusion.

 **-Laurent's Tent-**

He had just returned from observing the behaviour of the army. During this, he did notice Chrom running around and looking frantic, but he didn't quite understand why. Though, he started formulating his own hypotheses when he saw the poster in his tent.

At first he wondered if the scare had something to do with it, as the size of a certain body part seemed larger than he suspected was possible. Perhaps Chrom wanted to share some secrets with him? Was that why he was running around? "Such a colossal phallus is certainly a rarity, I must say, I am rather intrigued." Had Chrom discovered the secret of effective male enhancement? Or perhaps this was a sign of his good health and he was willing to share his secrets with the camp. Or maybe he had specially selected Laurent to learn his secrets. That must be it, why else would it say that Chrom wanted him? Since Laurent was always one to be curious about the world, this was surely a golden opportunity! For research of course.

The mage met Chrom half way from his tent, the out of breath lord regarded him. He would have said something but he was too busy catching his breath, so it was up to Laurent to make the first move. He produced the poster. "I must admit, I didn't think such a pinnacle of masculine perfection could be achieved." Before Laurent could finish that thought, the panting lord stole the poster from him.

"It's not accurate." Chrom said. "Stop believing fantasy! I thought you were supposed to be smart." He didn't stick around to let Laurent defend himself against that accusation, and abruptly changed course for the next tent.

"Hmm, perhaps I have let my biases cloud my judgement. I will be sure to exercise discretion when making decisions in the future." Although he was disappointed that he wouldn't get to study the secrets of having a strong and healthy manhood, he had learned a valuable lesson.

 **-Cynthia's Tent-**

After setting up some sparklers around her tent for her grand entrance tomorrow, she retired to her tent for some much needed rest. Though when she noticed the poster, she felt her energy return to her. The striking image of their kind in a natural state holding a weapon and a scale was the very embodiment of justice in her eyes, and she suddenly felt the urge fight all the 'bad guys.' "Wow, Chrom really knows how to make an impression! I'm fired up and ready to bring those evildoers to justice!" The scale certainly was a nice touch, it was the perfect complement to the sword, and the perfect picture of justice! Perhaps she should copy this and rain them over their enemies in battle? That'll show them!

Of course Chrom had to show up eventually, and she greeted him with the enthusiasm he'd come to expect. "Hello! Was this picture your idea? Cause if it was, I can totally get behind it. Let's rain them down upon our enemies and watch them cower in terror as we bring them to justice!"

"Gods no!" Chrom said, the last thing he wanted was for anyone else to see this horrible poster, least of all the enemy.

"Do you think we could make one for Lucina too? That'll really get the troops going!"

"Like hell it will!" Chrom said, now indignant that someone would suggest posting such a revealing picture of his daughter for all to see. "No one's getting on one of these posters, there shouldn't even be one of me!" At that he snatched up the poster and ran. Cynthia was left confused.

"Well, if he wants me to bring down the justice, bring back that picture any time!" At least Frederick's poster had the desired effect on someone.

 **-Noire's Tent-**

The archer had silently returned to her tent alone, looking dejected. When she noticed the poster, with Chrom naked and the bizarre tagline, her initial thought was that Chrom was issuing a new order for everyone to fight completely bare. "Oh, that's scary. I couldn't possibly engage in battle naked." She shuddered at the thought. Was this some kind of new battle strategy to confuse the enemy? That seemed way too risky, since there wasn't any armour to protect against enemy attack. Unless Chrom was planning a suicide mission? "I guess it really is hopeless, we should all just surrender now." She sighed.

Just then she glanced over at her medallion. Perhaps she could conform to the regime change if she got a good enough dose of dark magic. So she held it in her hand for a few seconds, now ready to accept Chrom's crazy idea. "OUR ENEMIES WILL TREMBLE AT MY FEET! BWAHAHAHA!" Then she stripped down to her small clothes as if preparing for an oncoming attack. She readied her bow while cackling manically.

Chrom entered just in time to barely dodge an arrow shot at him. "Woah! Hold on!" He said, though was then taken aback by the sight of the girl in her small clothes.

"REPENT AND DESPAIR PESEANT! WITH THIS NEW, LIBERATING REGIME CHANGE I AM INVINCIBLE!"

"Calm down!" He demanded. Apparently the poster along with the insane medallion her mother made had influenced her in the worst way. How would he get to the poster with an arrow pointed at him?

He thought fast, and charged her recklessly. At this distance she wouldn't be able to make the shot, so his first order of business was to take the medallion from her and throw it across the tent. It proved to be a surprisingly simple task, and his next target was the poster, which was now an unguarded target. He grabbed it and ran out, watching his back for stray arrows that might be coming his way.

With the medallion out of hand, Noire felt completely exposed. Hopefully Chrom wouldn't tell anyone about what she did.

 **-Nah's Tent-**

She glanced it over, and her eyes rested for the briefest of moments on Chrom's neither regions. Quickly she turned away. "Does he think this is impressive? I can turn into a dragon, so that's not really that big." She didn't actually know for sure what a male manakete would look like transformed, but she assumed that no human could measure up. Though, she did wonder about what he wanted from her. She focused on the scale and sword, but it seemed like it had no relation to the nudity or the tagline. How did this even get into her tent?

On his way over, Chrom tripped on a stray dragon stone in the dark and came flying right through her tent. Nah was startled and instantly assumed dragon form. Chrom let out a pathetic squeak and got to his feet. "I'm just here for the poster!" He pleaded, just in time to avoid getting blasted with dragon breath.

Nah was a little agitated. "You've got a lot of nerve showing up here unannounced!"

"Please, just give me the poster and I'll leave." He paused a second, wondering if he could offer a more fun suggestion. "Or you could blow it up."

"How childish!" Nah said, but seriously considered it. "But I suppose it would be an efficient way to get rid of it." Without warning she blasted the paper with enough force to knock Chrom over. At that, she returned to her regular form. Chrom only had to see the burnt remains of the poster to know that the coast was clear. The journey continued…

 **-Lucina and Morgan's Tent-**

The ever diligent Lucina and her aspiring tactician brother had just got back from their shift of making supper for the camp. At least it wasn't Sully, or Kjelle, and everyone was grateful for their service. After all, even though they were royalty, that didn't mean they couldn't help out. Though, they wouldn't get to rest right away because of the shocking image of their father waiting for them in their tent.

"Oh Gods! What is this?!" Lucina said, averting her gaze from the indecent picture of her father.

"Well, that's more of dad than I wanted to see." Morgan said.

"Do you think this is an attack on my father's good name? From our enemies?!" She couldn't imagine someone from her own camp drawing such an image.

"I don't think our enemies would be that generous with- well." Morgan didn't need to finish, Lucina was able to pick up on what he was getting at. She may not have been an expert on male anatomy, but she did know enough to understand what Morgan meant. Though, she really didn't want to have to think about her father's size.

"Then who? Who would do such a thing? Who would draw such an offending piece?"

"Don't overreact, I'm sure whoever did this meant well."

"Meant well?!"

"Or maybe this is just a misunderstanding?"

At that, Chrom made his appearance. "Father!" Lucina squawked, quickly hiding the poster behind her back.

"Lucina, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to see-" They both seemed to be paralysed by embarrassment. Morgan had to step in to help dissipate the tension.

"So uh, what brings you here so late?" Was the best he could come up with on such short notice.

"I'm after what Lucina has behind her back." He said through gritted teeth. As much as he didn't want to bring it up, that thing had to be destroyed. Then he added, "Frederick."

"Oh." His children said in unison, suddenly understanding. Lucina relinquished the picture and watched with pity for her father as he pressed on.

"I wonder if he'll ever be able to live this down?" Morgan said reflectively.

"Our father is a noble and dignified man, a little thing like this won't even affect him." She said, not knowing how wrong she was.


End file.
